There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
