he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
