and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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