So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
