My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
