I will die if light touches me.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
