she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
