So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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