I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
