I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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