what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
