We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
