i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
