Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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