I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
