Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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