i barfeds in our rink
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
