he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
