saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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