I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
