i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
