:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
