Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
