is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
