she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
