You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
