i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
