i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
