I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
