i love accidental penises.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
