dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize