Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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