Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
