New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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