so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
