hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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