Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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