Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We need to get me chipped asap
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