Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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