The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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