I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
