I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
