Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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