When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
then he tried to convert me to islam
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
