Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
