you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
