look no pants
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
