it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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