she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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