My brain says no but my pants say off.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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