He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
