Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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