I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
