I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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