i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
