Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
