I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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