I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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