I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize