She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
