It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i believe in u and ur pee
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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