My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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