Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
