They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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