dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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