i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
