Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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