When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
