i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
